Frequent flyer miles

I used to belong to just about every plan available. I had accumulated quite a few miles when I flew to Asia. And when DH and I were dating, we lived in different cities so I was always flying to see him (easier for me since I was a student and he was working). I'd choose whoever was cheapest and most convenient so the miles were spread out. After we got married, I'd fly home to see my parents or I'd fly about once a year for work. But for all that flying (which really wasn't that much), I never got enough points for a free ticket. Then with airlines consolidating, my miles would get lost. Sometimes, I'd get free magazines subscriptions, just to get something for my miles.

I used to have enough miles on one airline for a free ticket, but they upped the requirements and I don't anymore (grrrr). I was about to lose my 40,000 miles and these I care about. I'm sooo close! I went shopping on their site to see what I could buy for cheap, but the only thing that remotely appealed to me was a newspaper subscription. But wait! I could donate charity miles. That's a win win. I scrolled through the list of recipients and at first I choose the Red Cross. But then I saw the Shriners Hospital. I know Uncle T donated lots of time and money there and they provide their services for free. While there was no way to formally donate in his honor, I know in my heart I did.

Father's Day card

Nothing like waiting until the last minute. Or maybe I'm in denial that Uncle T is gone. I'm used to making him a Father's Day card too. Or maybe I'm feeling guilty that I'm not going home for Father's Day (not that I usually do) so I didn't want to think about when it is.

Hope Dad likes the card. I used Cosmo Cricket's Cogsmo. I wanted to use one of their robot die cuts, but they were too large for the card. But I did use one of their journaling cards on the inside. It said, "You are out of this world." I thought Dad might appreciate that.

Missing Uncle T

March was a somewhat difficult month. Health-wise, I'm still feeling a bit too plump. Work has been crazy. One of my friends called it March Madness. And Uncle T has been gone a year. On LifetimeMoments.com, a woman was asking what she could do with her late husband's ties. Several people sent her links to quilts, bears, pillows, ornaments, all kinds of neat stuff.

I wish I had thought about this when Uncle T's stuff was being thrown out. Really, I just should have flown up and there and instruded. Then maybe I would have gotten back the stuff I had given him. Yes, I know they are just things. But why throw out photos and cards and my scrapbook? Why throw out the portrait of me and my siblings? I would have liked to have one of his old Navy blankets. It was wool and heavy and itchy. But we use them to built forts with the couch pillows (something we could never do at home). It would be so nice to have a quilt made from his ties. Or a throw made from Auntie L's fur coat. I really, really need to keep reminding myself that memories are better than things.

Memories

I found out one of the photo storage sites I was using is closing down. That's too bad because it was a good site in that they didn't downsample your images and the storage limit was huge. Plus it was free. I've got close to a gig up there and now I have to figure out where I've got those photos stored at home. I'd rather not save the photos if I don't have to, since I'd have to save them one by one (no CD burning option).

In any case, it has been fun to look over the photos. Some are five or more years old. One thing I found was the album I made for Uncle T about six years ago. I was upset when he passed away that I did not get the album back. It wouldn't have bothered me so except several people remarked on the album at his funeral and that I would get the album back. Although I tried to use copies of everything, that wasn't 100% possible and there were original photos and memorabilia in it. Now those are gone forever. Printing the photos of my layouts won't be the same, especially since I didn't scan at high res. Maybe that should be a lesson to me. Always scan at high res, just in case. That way I can save my scrapbook pages digitally, just in case.

I thought I didn't care that much about any of the pages I made. But when you find out they're gone, it really does break your heart.

Odd (and sad) dream

Last night, I had the oddest dream. I can't remember where I was, but I was with my family, mostly the older generation (it reminded me of the family reunion I went to this summer). Uncle T was there, and he was dead, but he didn't know he was dead. So we all had to be careful what we said to him because we didn't want him to know he was dead.

I hardly ever dream about people and even more rarely about those who have passed. And never so soon after they've left. I'm a little weirded out by the dream, but I'm mostly sad.

Sometimes it just hits you

We were shopping for a Father's Day card last night (yes, I know, bad scrapper not to make the card, plus nothing like waiting till the last minute), when it hit me. I wasn't buying a card for Uncle T like I usually do. :(

It has been a long weekend

We're home, finally. The viewing was on Friday and the funeral on Saturday. Did family stuff Sunday and this morning before the long drive home. Came home to find that Rascal had escaped somehow and died. We have no idea how he could have escaped since the cage was latched. There was no evidence that anyone came into our backyard (A had put stops up against the gates so if someone had come in, it would have been obvious).

A took pity on me and buried him tonight instead of waiting until the morning. Maybe it is a good thing, to have another reason to cry instead of holding everything in.

Tribute to Uncle T

For an even better tribute, read this post.

He's gone

My beloved Uncle T passed away this morning. He had been ill and was ready, more than ready to go. Poor Mom had to give me the sad news. I have a huge hole in my heart that may never heal.

He was a generous, loving man that gave so much to his family and community. He volunteered his time, well into his eighties (and of course, we worried about him overdoing it). His marriage to Auntie L showed us what true love could be, what a good husband was, how a marriage was a partnership. He was the patriarch of his family. We all looked up to him. He was the wise elder. He was one of the last of his generation. A World War II vet. I miss him more than words can describe.

I'm not as sad now

Just got an update from my mom. Uncle T was admitted to the hospital and she has been visiting him. Today he was awake and actually ate a bit! I have mixed feeling about this. On the one hand, this is good news. On the other hand, he's talked repeatedly about wanting to go. Wondering why he's been stuck on this earth for so long. Wondering why he's still here, but his wife, his friends are gone. Wondering how much more his body is going to deteriorate. I understand why he's tired. But I'm happy I don't have a funeral to go to this week.

Sorry if I was a little dramatic in my previous post. It's difficult to think about losing a loved one.

I'm sad

Rambling thoughts, lots going on. I just got back from a visit home. In many ways, it is so stressful. I have three households to visit and that always takes some coordination. I don't want to slight anyone and of course, some people are more understanding of time than others.

It was a whirlwind visit. Had lunch with my dad which is always a long ordeal. He moves slower than molassas and is just as messy. We had Thai food, for something different. W chose the restaurant out of the phone book. Not his typical MO, but it worked out.

After that, we went home to help Mom cook dinner for New Year's. Unfortunately, I had missed some of the verbal cues and didn't realize that Uncle T would not be coming for dinner. I think that made Mom and W realize that all of their stupid ambiguous descriptions were doing more harm than good. Don't talk about Uncle T lying in bed all day and then how much better he's doing with his caretaker. Don't talk about how sharp his mind is, but then confused he is. Just come right out and say it. He's dying and there's nothing that can be done about it. There, I said it. And it brings back all the sad, mixed up feelings I had when Auntie L was dying. You'd think with time and hopefully maturity, I could weather this sad time better, but I doubt it.

So since dinner was only going to be the three of us, I told them I wanted to visit Uncle T before dinner, not after dinner and off I went. Something in me said that I needed to see him NOW.

Yes, his mind is still sharp. He recognized me and was happy to see me as soon as I went in. He was alone, no one had come to feed him, as far as I could tell. He wasn't doing very well and needed his diaper changed so I rang the staff for help. Good thing this wasn't an emergency since no one came for quite a while. I stayed for about an hour, then left.

Mom and I went back in the morning, but he was worn out from getting bathed and moved in the morning and we left after a couple of hours since I was meeting a friend and Mom wanted to go to church.

When we went back later, he wasn't there. They had taken him to the hospital so we went straight there. He was diagnosed with pneumonia and dehydration. We knew the latter was a strong possibility, but the first was a surprise. I felt a small amount of guilt that we didn't know he was that bad, but on the other hand, his two nephews and hired caretaker had been there in the morning. I assume they know more about his condition than me. He didn't wake up the entire time we were at the hospital, but then I had to leave to catch my flight.

Even though this was a three day weekend, I thought I'd just fly up for a short visit. Make life easy on myself. Give myself a day to relax. I was even considering cancelling my trip, but obviously decided not too. Good thing I didn't. I didn't realize that A would be working today. Normally, I'd be happy to have a day to myself. But in my current state, I really need the company. I have to take my car in to the body shop, deal with insurance, worry about the family. All I want to do in crawl back into bed and sleep for long, long time.