It has been hard these past few months, pretending everything is normal. Thinking about how trite my condolences may have sounded in the past, despite my well meaning sentiments. But when you lose a parent, even if you aren't close to them, the deep sense of loss can't be denied. And if you haven't experienced it yourself, it can be difficult to describe.
It isn't like I haven't experienced the death of a loved one. I've been going to funerals since I was a child. I attended the funerals of all four of my grandparents, various aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends, my favorite aunt, my favorite uncle, in-laws. I've written eulogies and delivered them (I'm pretty good at it, if you ever have the need). But I'm still trying to figure out how to say good-bye to Dad.