It's been hard

It has been hard these past few months, pretending everything is normal. Thinking about how trite my condolences may have sounded in the past, despite my well meaning sentiments. But when you lose a parent, even if you aren't close to them, the deep sense of loss can't be denied. And if you haven't experienced it yourself, it can be difficult to describe.

It isn't like I haven't experienced the death of a loved one. I've been going to funerals since I was a child. I attended the funerals of all four of my grandparents, various aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends, my favorite aunt, my favorite uncle, in-laws. I've written eulogies and delivered them (I'm pretty good at it, if you ever have the need). But I'm still trying to figure out how to say good-bye to Dad.

Still thankful

It has been over a week since we got home from our quick Thanksgiving trip. We decided to drive up to see my side of the family for Thanksgiving, mostly because we (actually Mr. Fix-it) needed to do some things around the folk's house. Stuff like trimming trees, fixing faucets, stuff that I'm not really good at.

The drive up was surprisingly easy. No long lines at any of the bathrooms and gas was cheaper than back home. We saw my dad and then he kicked us out (we suspect he wanted to watch some football, lol).

Thanksgiving was at my cousin S's. This was the first time I've seen her home, which is huge! And a good thing too since she had 30 guests. Mostly family, but some friends too. Just her family/siblings/kids/parent/in-laws totaled 19 people. There was so much food since everyone brought multiple dishes (we brought multiple snacks since we were traveling): spinach artichoke dip, chips, pigs in blanket, lumpia, cheese and salami tray, nuts, deviled eggs, krab salad in baked filo cups, baked brie/jam in baked filo cups, green salad, crudites, turkey, ham, prime rib, sticky rice (nu mai fan), mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, asparagus, rolls, green bean casserole, two kinds of cranberry relish, pumpkin pie, cake, sweet potato pie, berry pie, ice cream, cookies, Chex mix, and gosh, I can't remember what else. Needless to say, after two trips to the buffet I was stuffed, but still found room for dessert.

It was a wonderful gathering. The food was delish, but what really shone through was the love my cousins' family. Their kids (my first cousins once removed?) are so close and they've really missed each other. A couple of them have gotten married so being all together is really rare. My uncle was mellower than usual. And, I met a scrapbooker! One of my cousin's friends is a scrabooker (why is it I keep meeting scrapbookers who live hundreds of miles away??!).

We spent the day after Thanksgiving doing stuff at folk's. Mr. Fix-it did all the heavy tree trimming and mom and I used the pruners and hauled everything out front. He cleaned the gutters in the front and I cleaned them in the back. There was still more to do, but it was getting too cold.

The drive home was even faster than the drive up. We both woke up early so decided to leave early. But we waited until it was light, which was a good plan since it was foggy. Although traffic was heavier as we got closer to home, we still made good time and only got gouged on gas prices once.

All-in-all, it was an awesome Thanksgiving, one of the best.

How we spent Black Friday

We slept in and avoided the crowds, although there were a few things I was interested in. Guess that means I saved some money, although there is always cybermonday to tempt me. Instead, we trimmed the trees at Mom's. Well, actually, Mr. Fix-it did the tree trimming. I did the raking and hauling. Guess we have to do what we're best at. We ended up with a pile about 3 feet high and 9 feet long.
Mom really appreciated it and I was so happy Mr. Fix-it didn't mind helping because I'd much rather he do the tree trimming than Mom (and yes, she would attempt to do it herself). And I think the neighborhood hummingbirds liked the pile since they kept flying around and perching on the pile.

Happy belated birthday FIL

Sorry I missed your birthday last month. Well, I really didn't miss it, but I couldn't join Mr. Fix-it when he brought flowers to the cemetery since I was still at work. We discussed bringing flowers from the garden, but Mr. Fix-it ended up getting flowers from Trader Joes, just like you did for Mom. It was fitting somehow.

I just wanted to let you know how much we miss you. We miss talking about family and playing cards. I miss the old groceries you'd bring over and the weird things you picked up from the trash and the coupons. I miss hearing about how much you got from the recyclers and how it paid for your groceries for the week. I miss seeing you with your grandkids. And with the upcoming holidays, I know we'll miss you even more.

Double whammy

The guys have been working on cleaning out FIL’s house for the past few weeks. It has been slow going and painful. I think if you’ve never had to clean out someone’s house, especially a packrat who liked to dumpster dive, you can’t understand how difficult it is. And if you have packrat tendencies yourself, it is even more difficult. And if you can't figure out the value of something, either monetary or sentimental, and your siblings can't either, well, back to the slow and painful.

At the same time, I've been "forced" to clean things up at home since we're getting a couple pieces of furniture. First, I gotta clear out a spot for them. Then I have to clear out a path to that spot. Or maybe I need to do that in the reverse order. No, I'm not as bad as that hoarders show, which I've never seen since we don't have cable because it is too expensive and we watch too much TV anyways and yes I'm going off on a tangent or two. Yes, I have lots of stuff, all valuable I'm sure. I did manage to part with some of my precious Tupperware collection, only because I've recently become convinced that glass containers are better (now I've started a jar collection). I found letters from J, Uncle T, and even, unfortunately, cards that I addressed and stamped, but never sent.

It has been difficult for me to see FIL's house being emptied and stressful trying to straighten up my own house at the same time. Somehow, I don't have a problem getting rid of his phone bills from ten years ago or appointment cards or junk mail that was made to look like it is from the government. But my own stuff? I finally got rid of checks from the 80s and the 46 cover letters from 1992 (even though the recession was officially over in 1991, no one was hiring in 1992. Anyone who is job hunting now has my sympathies). And the letter disputing a credit issue that was about 25 years old is gone. You should have seen the cute stationery I typed it on (yes, typed).

Add all that to stressful week at work and I've been in tears all week. I guess it really has been a triple whammy. Thank goodness Monday is a holiday. Hopefully an extra day off will bring some much needed rest.

Happy Mother's Day!

Unfortunately, I'm not spending it w/my mom, but I did send her a card (I think I'm required to send handmade cards, no more Hallmark for Mom, lol) and called her this morning. I think she knows how much I miss being w/her, even if we get on each other's nerves if we spend too much time together.

We also took flowers to MIL at the cemetery (and also wanted to make sure the year was added to FIL's tombstone since it turns out that wasn't paid for even though we thought it was). Even at 9:30 in the morning, the cemetery was crowded and they had three security guys directing traffic. I would have taken a picture of the flowers and posted it, but I didn't want to weird Mr. Fix-it out, nor any of my readers. Suffice to say they are pretty and MIL/FIL would be happy we got them from Trader Joe's since they seem to have the best price on cut flowers bouquets.

I'm not sure if we will be taking flowers to FIL/MIL on a regular basis. We stopped taking flowers to MIL because FIL took flowers every week and it a little frustrating to bring flowers and then not have any place for them. Mr. Fix-it really isn't a flower kind of guy (since I don't get flowers even once a year), but I was brought up to regularly bring flowers to the cemetery. I suspect we won't be taking flowers very often, though I will feel guilty about that. (As I always say, guilt, the gift that keeps on giving.)

Give your mom a hug or call or thought today. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!

Tales from the trash heap

I can't believe it has been a month since FIL left us. Some days, it feels like it just happened and sometimes it feels like it has been months. (Lest you think I'm being disrespectful with the title of this post, please keep reading.) This past Sunday, a neighbor left a note at FIL's house. It turns out, FIL would stop by his house regularly to pick up recyclables, even after the city changed to the giant automated pickup cans, and they missed him. I made the slightly uncomfortable call and spoke with the wife. She was very sweet and talked about how FIL regularly stopped by their house for years; they would leave recyclables by the side of the house just for him. She asked when FIL passed away. That was when it hit me that it had been about three weeks since the funeral and exactly four weeks since his passing. So I wanted to jot down some memories before they faded away.

I mentioned in FIL's eulogy how much he enjoyed getting something for nothing, picking though the garbage for recyclables or "valuables" he could sell at garage sales. At one garage sale, some teens found some stuff their dad threw out and bought it to take home as a joke.

On garbage day, he'd troll the neighborhood looking for fans or lamps he could repair. Unfortunately, he collected more than he had time to fix and the backyard was full of rusted, broken fans, lamps, and exercise equipment. We rented a giant bin to get rid of this stuff and should have rented two. It only took an hour to fill it to the top and there was still the side yards and garage to go. We went out for a few hours and when we got back, we had a pleasant surprise. My nephew discovered that someone had cleared out half the bin. Half! This sounds like something FIL would have done (though he wouldn't have been able to haul off quite that much himself). Too bad we weren't home because we would have invited them to take more, lol. We took advantage of the empty space and emptied out the side yard, whew! I suspect some of that stuff was gone before garbage pickup the next day. And FIL would have been right there making sure he didn't miss any of the good stuff.

Italian Rice Balls

Arancini = Italian rice balls = deep fried rice/cheese/butter/beef yumminess! When I first joined the family, Mr. Fix-it's mom fixed these for a holiday and they quickly became a favorite of mine. They also led to a slightly uncomfortable discussion about rice, lol. She wanted to know where to buy "cheap broken rice" to make rice balls because it was stickier than regular rice. Hmmmm, I don't buy cheap broken rice and had no idea there was such a thing, which she didn't quite understand because she figured that I'm Chinese and should know about these things. She was not interested in my suggestion to use short grain rice, which is stickier than long grain rice. No matter, her rice balls were still delicious, no matter what rice she used.

We went to visit the Aunties this weekend so we thought we'd surprise them by making rice balls. We hadn't made them in two? three? years so were a bit out of practice, but they turned out well and the Aunties were so surprised. Uncle J wasn't there so they planned to freeze some of the leftovers for him. Isn't that sweet? Not that we couldn't make them again for the next visit.

Plus, I learned a bit of family trivia on the drive home. It turns out Mr. Fix-it's mom introduced rice balls to his dad's side of the family. For some reason, I thought it was the other way around. Now everybody love 'em! So enough babbling; here's the recipe (with lots of notes).

Rice "shell" ingredients
1 pound (3 cups) short grain rice
1 quart water
Pinch of saffron for color (optional)
2 egg yolks (save the whites for later)
1/4 pound of butter (1 stick), cut into pieces
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese

Filling ingredients
1 pound lean ground beef
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 small can tomato paste
1/4 cup pine nuts
Salt, pepper
Olive oil

Bread crumb coating ingredients
3 cups fine bread crumbs
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese (the stuff in the green can, not the good stuff, lol)
salt, pepper, parsley, garlic powder, optional

Oil for frying

Instructions
1. Cook rice with the saffron in the water. I've cooked the rice over the stove and in a rice cooker and it turns out well either way. Just be sure the rice is quite dry when it is cooked.
2. Prepare filling: Saute onion in a bit of olive oil until softened. Add ground beef and brown. Remove any excess grease (I didn't have any since I used ground sirloin). Add tomato paste, pine nuts, and seasonings. Cook for 10 minutes.
3. Mix the bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, and seasonings.

4. Lightly beat the egg whites (you'll need them in step 7). Note that I needed three additional egg whites. I suppose you could use whole eggs too.

5. Add the egg yolks, butter, and Parmesan cheese to the rice. Let cool just enough so that you can handle the rice mixture.

6. Form the balls: Coat your hands (just the palms and fingers) with a little oil. Spread a heaping tablespoon or so in the palm of your hand. Make a depression in the middle and place about a teaspoon of the filling in the center. Add another teaspoon of rice on top to form a ball.
7. Roll the ball in the bread crumbs, then into the egg white, then back in the bread crumbs. Place on waxed paper until you're ready to deep fry them. We ended up with 24 rice balls.
8. Deep fry in vegetable oil until light golden brown. I fried them at 335°F for about 3-4 minutes. Place on paper towels to absorb any excess oil.

Enjoy!
Cook's notes:
We ended up with over a cup of bread crumbs leftover so if you wanted to start with less, you could. But bread crumbs aren't expensive and I think having the extra made it easier to coat the rice balls.

We also ended up with almost two cups of filling leftover. Next time, we'll either use less meat, try to add more filling, or double the rice shell mixture and make more rice balls.

Thinking, thinking...

and not blogging. I've got stories to post and photos to post, yet they are still in my head or on my memory card. I could come up with lots of excuses...work, FIL's illness, work, FIL's passing, work, family, work, hmmm, I'm noticing a theme here.

To add to all the fun, the bad news is my FIL's siblings have been in the hospital sometime in the past month, some more than once. Aunt M went in just before FIL's passing; Uncle J went in the day after the funeral (or was it two days?). And we just found out that Aunt G was in for a few days earlier this week. The good news is everyone is home now, almost everyone has recovered. Hopefully everyone, including us, will get/stay healthy.

With all that's going on, blogging falls to the bottom of the to-do list. I'm thinking about changing the title of my blog to something more meaningful/inspiring/motivating to me. Thinking...still thinking.

White envelopes and flowers

We (actually Mr. Fix-it) received two white envelopes with checks this week. They were inside the sympathy cards from my mom and cousin. Somehow, seeing that from my mom broke me up more than any of the other sympathy cards we received. Maybe because I knew she was following tradition. Or maybe because I knew she really didn't have the money to send (heck, I sent her a check earlier this year). Or maybe because it was a symbol of how much she cares. Mr. Fix-it thought it was a little weird, but considering how much a funeral costs and considering that it is a symbol of caring and considering that is a tradition I grew up with, we will accept the money graciously and gratefully.

On the other hand, I'm not such a traditionalist that I left all the flowers at the cemetery. I forgot that it was bad luck to take home the flowers. I couldn't resist because I hated the thought of hundreds of dollars of flowers rotting in the sun. Besides, my FIL would also have been appalled at the waste. So somehow, in bringing some of the flowers home, I think I'm honoring him a little bit.

It was a beautiful day

My FIL's funeral was today. It has been a crazy week. The family opted to forgo a mass since the first available opening was the middle of next week. I would have preferred the mass because 1) my FIL was a devoted Catholic and 2) I could have used the break in the preparations and the weekend to recover (just being honest here).

Monday was spent trying to recover from the shock of FIL's passing, planning the funeral, writing the obituary (we wanted to get it in the newspaper as soon as possible), and writing the bio and selecting the photos for the memorial website. Tuesday was more planning and an attempt to get some sleep. We hadn't gotten much sleep in the past few weeks. I also started a draft of the eulogy. Wednesday, made the memorial boards (woo hoo, used my Cricut to cut out the letters). It took way longer than I thought it would and I wish I had used more photos. Oh well. Finished the eulogy, but wasn't happy with it. Thursday was the viewing and vigil. Mr. Fix-it and I took a break mid-afternoon and the poor guy fell asleep as soon as he sat on the couch. I printed out more photos for the photo binder. After the vigil, we went back to FIL's house where the brothers reminisced about FIL. BILs and Mr. Fix-it were finally able to talk a bit about their dad and share some good memories. Just a few thoughts here and there helped fill out their image of their father and I was able to rewrite the eulogy that night (yes, more lack of sleep).

Then there was today. The sun shone brightly; there was a breeze. This morning, we brought a few more photos to the funeral home that we forgot yesterday. Met Deacon Bill who was from FIL's church and officiating. Saw family whom I hadn't seen since the last funeral (Uncle N, last year) and the funeral before that (Uncle T, two years ago). It was difficult, really, really difficult to get started with the eulogy. I'm not sure why. Deacon Bill and Mr. Fix-it both came up to give me moral support. It wasn't this difficult when I gave the eulogy for Mr. Fix-it's mother. But I got through it...barely. And hopefully I won't need to do this again for a long, long time.

It was a beautiful service, it was wonderful seeing family, it was a really, really sad day.

Saying goodbye

My father-in-law passed away early Sunday morning. Easter Sunday was a beautiful day. We spent it with family, but it was rather surreal as we were all in shock, and then we were really shook up with an earthquake that afternoon (that one based in Mexico).

I haven't had time to mourn with all that has been going on. So far, the service has been planned, mass cards selected, flowers ordered, obituary submitted, and the biography written/photos selected for the memorial tribute. I still need to print photos and make the memory boards and write the eulogy. I'm exhausted.

Stress

Stress = a month ago, we learned about some unscheduled projects with absurdly short deadlines and limited information. No problem. We'll fit them into our schedule.

Stress = three weeks ago, there was a reorganization and layoffs and we'll be absorbing some of that work into our department. I'll be in charge of that. No problem, I can do that.

Stress = about three weeks ago, we hired a contractor to help with the increased workload and to take the place of someone going out on maternity leave. Yay, extra help! Hmmm, guess who has to help bring her up to speed? No problem, it is part of my job.

Stress = two weeks ago there was a reorganization and my manager has a new manager, plus will be managing another group. No problem, we're team players. No matter that my manager doesn't have enough hours in the day to take manage the staff he has now, plus take care of all the special projects managers seems to have.

Stress = two weeks ago, had to do my self-evaluation. I just love doing them...NOT! And it isn't like there's money in the budget for merit increases. No problem, it is a part of being employed at a big company. Got it done.

Stress = one week ago, I gained half a pound and haven't been able to get rid of it. Not a big deal with everything else going on, but d@amn it, I'm trying to loose weight, not gain weight.

Stress = 4 days ago, in the morning, I noticed radiator fluid leaking from my car. That's okay, I'll drive Mr. Fix-it's car. Opps, nope, because his car was already scheduled to go into the shop. No problem, I'll just be careful on my commute.

Stress = 4 days ago, lunchtime, call to Mr. Fix-it, "How was your Dad's doctor's visit?" Mr. Fix-it gave me the bad news that his dad was taken to the emergency room.

Stress = 4 days ago, afternoon, learned FIL had a heart attack and is in intensive care.

Stress = 4 days ago, late evening, call from BIL, come to the hospital now, things don't look good. It is heartbreaking to watch your loved one make copies of his father's advanced directive (which the hospital should have had already) and get the business card for the funeral home, just in case.

Stress = 4 days ago, even later in the evening, had "the talk" with FIL about what he wanted done if things got worse.

Stress = 3 days ago, 1:30 in the morning. Had the same talk with the doctor. Finally, we came home, but didn't sleep much.

Stress = 3 days ago, morning, pick up BIL from the airport and drive directly to the hospital. I sure hope I remember how to get there. D@mn, we're all exhausted. FIL looks a tiny bit better, but his vitals are jumping all over the place.

Stress = 3 days ago. Talked to the doctor. FIL is up to 50/50 chance of survival (up from the 20% of a few hours ago), but it may be weeks before he can come home, if ever. I go home just to get away from the hospital, make some phone calls, pick up my laptop so I can get some work done, and head back. Call Mr. Fix-it to make sure he doesn't need anything. When I get to the hospital 20 minutes later, FIL's room is empty and I don't see family anywhere...I'm in shock. Luckily, a staff member sees me and finds out where FIL was moved...literally, down the hall.

Stress = 2 days ago, try to play catchup at work. Being out one day really puts you behind schedule. Call Mr. Fix-it for an update. What do you mean they might release your father tomorrow??!!?

FIL came home yesterday, doctor says he should live a normal life, but will tire easily. BIL is staying with him for a while. We need to improve FIL's diet. Hopefully, life will get back to normal soon, whatever normal is.

Photo 23/365 Scrap goodies

I was so excited to find these craft packs at Big Lots for only $2. I was especially excited to find packs that had the right initials (I took that as a sign that I had to buy them, lol). I'm giving the E and C to the girls for their birthday or maybe C (their mom) can use the sticky initials to ID stuff for the girls. I plan to sell or giveaway most of the embellishments, but the price was right even if I keep just half of the contents.

Photo 127/365 Christmas eve

Grandpa and Miss C on Christmas eve. C made matching jammies for the kids. So cute!

Photo 120/365 Happy

I love family get-togethers!

Update on the pumpkin muffins

Guess they really are a hit since Mr. Fix-it wouldn't let me take any when we went visiting family this weekend. He told me he'd polish off the muffins in a couple of days...we'll see.

Photos 104-105/365 Garage Sale

M had a garage sale, which is code for "clean out Dad's garage and whatever crap doesn't get sold gets dumped." He filled up his trailer and hauled it all back to his house. Traffic was sporadic until one shopper told him his signs had blown down. After they went back up, it was non-stop. The kids had fun playing on the trailer. Here's C exploring some of Grandpa's treasures from his dumpster diving days. (C is in the dotted shirt and E is in the striped shirt. Per Mom, C choose that shirt to wear. Guess clothing preferences start early.)

That was Off the Wall

I was talking to Mom and the conversation took an interesting turn. Note that this is the woman who had to be convinced she needed a converter box because "she doesn't watch TV." Who's friend gave her an old TV (hence the need for the converter box) because she didn't have one. Who would rather read the news rather than watch the TV. Who thinks TV is a waste of time. Who told me she spent all day Tuesday glued to the TV watching Michael Jackson's memorial and related broadcasts. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It just isn't her usual modus operandi. Mom, TV, MJ? Never thought I'd see that combination.

PSA - Phone home!

When you're going on a long trip, be sure to phone your family when you've arrived. Otherwise they might worry, ya know? The drive home with cousin D should have taken around 8 hours (even though the trip here took almost twelve). So at 8 hours, I wasn't worried when Mom didn't call. At 9 hours I still wasn't worried. At 10 hours, I was debating whether or not to worry, but figured Mom would be outside checking out her garden, dark or not. At 10 and half hours, I called, but no one answered. And at 11 hours I started worrying. Finally, Mom answered the phone 11 and half hours after she left here, sounding chipper and happy and not at all tired. They took a two hour detour to go shopping(!) and then lunch and then after arriving in town, had dinner with cousin D's family. Of course, they had to wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen and then finally, cousin D took Mom home. Sigh, parents, what are you going to do with them???

(And yes, I know that I could have called cousin D, but I still needed to know that Mom was safe home in her own house, KWIM?)