I had gotten two phone calls informing me of my aunt's passing, so I feel somewhat special that people felt the need to tell me. But then, one of the calls was from my uncle (my mom's brother, not the widower); he asked me to write something about my aunt. I was a little taken aback since I had seen my aunt maybe three times in the past 20 years. We weren't exactly close. I tried to demur, but Mr. Stubborn wouldn't take no for an answer. Unfortunately, he couldn't really explain what he wanted. I finally got the impression that this would go into a program or handout. So, I wrote a draft (with lots of blanks) and then talked to my mom to get more details. Came up with something I thought was appropriate, and gave it to A to read. Guess it wasn't my greatest work because he was a little hesitant. I told it was meant to be read, not read out loud. It "sounded" better to him then. You know, because writing a speech is different from writing a written piece. This morning, I dropped the sheet off at my cousin's because she's flying up tomorrow and could get it to my uncle faster than USPS. Then I called my uncle to let him know it was ready. It turns out, someone was going to read what I wrote. Who that someone would be, he couldn't tell me. I lost it then. I told him that first of all, I didn't feel it was appropriate for him to ask me to write something, but I did it anyway. Second, he didn't explain what he wanted so what I wrote wasn't appropriate. Third, if he was speaking, and two of my cousins were speaking, what the heck did he need more speeches for? Yes, I understand that he's stressed and sad. Yes, I know he's been very helpful to my uncle, the widower. But I really don't appreciate him adding stress to my life. So what I wrote is going in the trash (not really, it is going into my family files)
For more drama/trauma, I have been agonizing whether or not to fly up. On the one hand, probably no one expects me to go. On the other hand, I want to go to support my mom and show my respect for my uncle (the widower). A volunteered to drive up, but then, that would be a lot of driving, we'd have to get a hotel ($$$), we'd be tired. We decided it would be better if I flew up alone. But then, there wasn't any place for me to stay. Finally, I decided to fly up the day of the funeral and leave that evening. It is going to be a long day. When my mom heard I was coming up, she immediately called and said not to. I'm soooo upset now. You know how moms talk to you in that tone of voice, the "oh honey, don't do that" tone of voice. Damn it, it is my decision to make! Here I am trying to be supportive and you're shooting me down. Sigh, damned if you and damned if you don't.